


Silent Witness

by echoes_of_another_life



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer RPF, Trailer Park Boys
Genre: Cracktrailer, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-05
Updated: 2012-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-20 08:16:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/583206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoes_of_another_life/pseuds/echoes_of_another_life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trailer Park Boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent Witness

Silent Witness

Seth sat under his favourite Willow tree; thinking about nothing in particular, wondering when the noise would come that would break the gentle quiet he loved. He patted the earth beneath him, ran his fingers through the wet grass as the tree offered him shade and shelter from the sun and prying eyes. He sprawled out on the wet ground, felt the damp earth soak through his torn, knee length pants and welcomed the cool feel against his skin. He looked up in to infinite shades of green, the clouds of mosquitoes that hummed among branches and marvelled as the sun’s rays pried their way through thick foliage like hundreds of bright fingers that speckled the ground around him.

He listened to the sounds as they filtered in among the leaves, a loon’s cry, as it swept low in the sky, the rushing sound of its wings as it came in to land among the branches, the splash of a beaver as it sought shade in the lake that lapped gently against the reeds, its rhythm slow and sweet. The small mouth bass as they leapt at the clouds of bugs in the sunlight, Seth didn’t need to see them to know what made each sound, he knew this place like the back of his hand, knew each and every creature that shared his space.

He lay there as a cool breeze softened the humid afternoon heat and imagined the clouds swirling about the lake like gauzy curtains, sighed as a cool mist licked at his face. Lost in the vastness of nothing, taken to the extremities of nowhere, just here, among the trees far away from the chaos of honking horns, loud music, the everyday bustle of people fighting for space among the town, shoving and pushing, the smell of engine diesel and cooking grease spilling out everywhere. 

Here was quiet, here he could almost hear the grass grow, here, somewhere east of north, where he was content. Where the soft breeze whispered through the trees filling the air with the fresh smell of blossom, and carried the scent of pine and sap that hid the putrid stink of boiled corn meal, smoke and yeast that clung to his clothes like a second skin. Here the coppery sun skimmed the horizon tinting the sky with streaks of red and orange that rivalled even the golden flecks and rich deep auburn colours of his hair.

Here he could watch the animals, observe them, like he did the kids by the lake, never once approaching them for fear of scaring them off or altering the behaviour he loved to watch. Just watching, waiting in the stillness, holding himself still and mute among the trees, protected and safe against the twisted trunks. Just like the lake, his lake, which had taught him that you couldn’t snare things with hooks and nets, you have to wait and see what the lake brings you; see what washes up against her shore. 

If Seth waited for what he needed, it came to him. 

Seth was the architect of his own happiness, nobody told him he had to go to school, nobody told him he had to mix with the other kids or get his book learning done, and his daddy was too busy getting drunk on his own moonshine to notice he was never around. Seth preferred it that way, he liked to hide among the shadows, wait and see what the lake brought him, liked to watch the kids that flickered in and out of his existence like fireflies, even the bad stuff. 

Seth had seen the bad stuff, all kinds of horrors that went on by the lake, all the things the kids did when they thought no one could see but Seth knew, ‘cause Seth saw everything that went on by the lake. He saw how they’d often come out here, just to be alone sometimes, Seth saw the skeletons in their closets, the monsters in their minds, heard sometimes the distraught words drifting by on the breeze as they stared out into the darkness, trying to chase away the ghosts with the bottles they left littered about the place. 

Seth saw their loneliness too, watched them shiver sometimes like a badly tuned diesel engine and pull their coats tighter around themselves as they sat and watched the daylight sink deeper and deeper into the darkness, while without even speaking their eyes confessed all the secrets of their hearts.

And sometimes, just sometimes, Seth got the feeling they knew he was there.

But he didn’t mind so much, not when they looked out among the trees, right at him sometimes, how their faces scrunched up in concentration as they tried to make out his shape in the shadows. It reminded him of the rabbits that came up close to the shack, how their noses twitched at the smell of his daddy’s moonshine boiling away in the bins. But Seth never stepped out of the shadows; never let them see he was there. Take only memories and leave only footprints, Seth’s grand daddy used to say, and Seth thought his grand daddy was smarter than most and usually right.

Except that one time he cleaned his shotgun while it was still loaded, Seth didn’t remember much about that day, just the loud bang, the high-pitched whistling of air passing rapidly through the feathers of the birds he was watching as they stretched their wings and took to flight. He remembers the deep hole his daddy dug out back of the shack, he remembers how many buckets of water he had to carry from the pump to scrub the walls and he remembers his daddy cussing and the smell of moonshine on his breath. He remembers standing by the mound of earth out back and telling his grand daddy that even without book learning he knew that, cleaning your shotgun while it was still loaded probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do.

Still, Seth didn’t mind at all, ‘cause sometimes, Seth missed his grand daddy and just sometimes, Seth thought that shadows made lonely company.

And he didn’t mind the bad stuff so much either, Seth never wondered at the brutality of nature, it’s survival of the fittest is all, the fittest being the one who learns the law of the land quicker than anyone else. For Seth the wonder was that beauty existed at all, but he knew it did ‘cause he saw it every time the sun struggled to meet the dawn, almost like she didn’t want to lose the blanket of stars that lit the night sky. 

And Seth saw the beauty in _them_ too, heard the music their laughter made as they splashed among the lake, their bare skin freckled by the sun as it shot arrows of light through the dappled water that clung to their hair making it shimmer. Heard their voices sometimes sink to a husky whisper as they lay together naked on the ground, blanketed by the rough caress of wind and grass. Watched as their bodies moved like a whisper against each other’s, lost in each other’s company, if only for a short time, until the spell was broken and they were once again chased away by the fading light and Seth was left with memories and footprints crushed into the ground by the heels of civilisation.

And sometimes they came at night, when the sky was the colour of dirty dishwater and the mist breathed slowly through the trees, carried on the wind that often made the branches sway and creak like the timbers of an old sailing ship. Not that Seth had ever seen sailing ships but his grand daddy had a long time ago, long before he got old and forgot to empty his gun barrel before cleaning his gun. 

Seth remembered the night he lay in the spindly arms of an old Cypress tree, listening to the crickets singing softly and the long dry grass stems as they swished in the breeze, the rhythm of the night sounds broken suddenly when they crunched and snapped underfoot…

The headlights in the distance that reflected on the blackness of the lake, casting a momentary glow before the darkness engulfed the lake again but not before he’d seen the figure step from the mustang, saw him silhouetted in the soft purple hues of the night sky. Seth watched him climb from the car, broad shoulders, dark hair, body like an athlete and Seth figured it to be the football player. He watched him from his vantage point amongst the trees, saw him ease himself up on to the truck, bottle in hand, as he wadded his jacket up behind his head, stretched out, pressed the bottle to his lips and drank greedily.

Seth wondered why he looked sad, why he was out in the dark all alone with just a bottle and that funny smelling tobacco they often passed around between themselves. Then Seth noticed his breathing even out and his head tilt slightly to one side as he burrowed into his jacket in sleep and Seth forgot to wonder after that, he just watched and drank in the sight of his sleeping profile.

Seth liked it best when they didn’t know he was there, when he could watch them be themselves, no false smile pasted on for other people to see, no swagger to their walk as if afraid to show just how beat up inside they felt. Seth knew that walk, he’d practiced it a thousand times when he walked out from the shack, longing to feel the cool grass beneath his bare feet and the cold chill of the lake soothe the bruises his daddy’s switch had left. He’d square his small frame and stand straight and tall as he counted the steps it took to reach the grass. How many after that to gain the shelter of the trees and break into the short run that would bring him to the lake that would always be there to greet him, like an oasis rising from sandy grassland.

Seth heard the low rumble of voices before they filtered into Dave’s dreams, he watched his body stiffen in sleep, seconds before he opened his eyes and rubbed his hand across the stiff muscles at the back of his neck. Seth recognised the voices too, and worried about what was going on beneath the secluded shelter of the towering pine trees, knew Dave would intervene because he could see by the way his body tensed that he recognised the voices too.

He slipped from the Cypress tree and followed behind the tall figure just up ahead of him, moving like a whisper through the trees, swallowed hard when he saw the look on the footballers face and wondered if he was gonna throw up at the sight of the Preachers son knelt on the green tangle of the forest floor. The Deputy Sheriff stood over him like the top dog to who every animal must yield.

Seth didn’t think Jimmy would yield ‘cause Seth had seen him in worse situations than this, and Seth knew Jimmy didn’t yield to no one. Seth thought, if anything Dave should be worried about the Deputy Sheriff ‘cause when Jimmy got out of them handcuffs Seth reckoned there was gonna be a whole shit load of trouble.

Yep, survival of the fittest is what it was and Seth reckoned he knew who was the fittest among those two but that wasn’t gonna help Dave none, not really and Seth could already feel Dave’s sadness ripple outwards to where he stood, just like the lake lapping timidly at the shore. 

The cold metal of the handcuffs glinted in the dark as they dropped at Chris’ feet and Seth watched the proud tilt of Jimmy’s head as he stood and glared at Chris, and then looked at Dave. Seth reckoned Jimmy looked kinda like a wolf does when it’s surveying its territory, he remembered the time he’d seem them down by the lake when they’d both snuck off and disappeared among the trees, Seth had followed, watched Dave strip off his clothes and wade out into the water. Seth knew even as he watched him, tall and tanned in the sunlight that he wasn’t the only one looking that day and didn’t have to wait long for Jimmy to step out from the trees join him in the lake. 

Seth had watched them, naked amongst the mud, he remembered thinking he’d never seen Jimmy’s scars up close before and wondered if he should maybe step away a little but the soft moans and husky voices that broke the afternoon silence had only beckoned him closer. He’d come close to revealing his presence that day but he figured they were too wrapped up in each other to notice he was even there and so he’d crouched down on his hunches, hidden by the thick reeds and just watched and marvelled as their bodies seemed to fit each others like a glove despite the size difference.

Until they car horn had blared, shattering the moment and Jimmy had left with a grin on his face, not like now though, ‘Cause Seth thought if looks could kill then the Deputy Sheriff should already be dead and buried right now, probably somewhere in the woods with a mound of earth covering him, just like his grand daddy was.

Seth followed Jimmy, careful not to get too close because Jimmy scared Seth, not in a physical sense mind, but Seth figured if anyone knew he was there then it would be Jimmy. He reminded Seth of a wounded animal, like the kind he saw in the traps out in the woods sometimes, kind of lost but always on the alert, the kind that would gnaw off its own foot rather than be trapped and helpless. 

He looked over his shoulder and saw Chris holster his gun and figured that was a pretty smart move because guns can go off when your least expecting them too and he didn’t want to think of guns and such when Dave was in the mix. Seth figured he liked Dave, seconds before he remembered he shouldn’t be thinking too much when he was supposed to be following Jimmy because stepping on twigs that snapped under your feet wasn’t the best way to go.

And Seth thought it was probably for the best when Jimmy stopped in his tracks and said, 

_I know you’re there kid, and I ain’t in no mood to be followed by some crazy red headed bootlegger’s son…_

‘Cause Seth reckoned if he hadn’t then he wouldn’t have seen Dave and the Deputy Sheriff, wouldn’t have seen Dave push Chris up against the truck and do all the things he’d seen him do with Jimmy down by the lake that time.

Seth stood in the dark, shielded by the branches, awash in the sounds, muted voices that slipped into moans, heavy denim that brushed along skin and hit the ground with a thud as fingers slid along ribs and breaths became mingled as mouths meshed.

A tremor ran through as the yearning took over, the yearning for voices; even if they taunted and bit cruelly, just to hear the sounds, the proof that he wasn’t truly alone and wondered what it would feel like to touch. Seth loved to touch, to feel, to know what something felt like beneath his light caress, wondered if it tingled with the same heat that made his fingers twitch and his palms sweaty. He waited propped up against the trunk of the tree and ran his fingers along the rough bark, watched as the sap seeped out beneath his touch as Dave spilled his seed, drop by drop until Chris quenched his thirst and his own need took over. He listened as the sounds changed to muted voices once more, broken only by the soft tread of footsteps.

Seth didn’t remember days, only moments, like now as the sweat trickled down his back creating a pool of wetness at his waist, like links in a chain the moments led to things the others didn’t see, things only Seth saw ‘cause Seth stood outside of their circle and watched from the rim. Just like Dave, Seth reckoned. Seth thought Dave would never be a part of their inner circle, no matter how hard he tried to fool himself otherwise, ‘cause Dave was just like Seth, an outsider. But that didn’t bother Seth none, ‘cause being on the outside meant Seth saw the things they didn’t notice. The things that linked moments like this to the other stuff that went on by the lake, the bad stuff and Seth could tell by the look on Jimmy’s face as he watched the Deputy Sheriff buckle up his pants and step in to Dave’s arms that it was gonna be bad.

Even Seth knew you don’t play with fire, ever since he’d snuck out back with the matches his daddy always kept by the still and lit the pile of dry moss and twigs he’d piled up earlier. His daddy had whooped him good and proper for that, said he didn’t need no interfering town folk seeing smoke and calling in some dumbass cop in his spruced up uniform to stick his nose in his business. Seth had thought that his daddy should be more worried about Kelly seeing smoke and coming round to lend a hand, still he’d stuck to rubbing twigs together after that and always remembered to keep the fire small to as not to draw attention.

Not like the Deputy Sheriff, he was sending up smoke signals for miles around and Jimmy weren’t nobody’s fool, even Seth knew that.

Seth didn’t blame Jimmy, he knew Jimmy had scars other than the ones he’d seen, he could tell by the way Jimmy came out here at night sometimes and sat by the lake, he knew by the way Jimmy’s shoulders shook when he thought no one was looking. But those scars were buried deep and would probably never see the light of day ‘cause Jimmy never let people see inside, but Seth knew.

Seth knew by the way Jimmy looked at the small kid who’d taken to hanging around, that he wasn’t all bad, Seth knew by the way Vince’s smile just woke up Jimmy’s face, like the sun wakes up the morning, saw the glow in his eyes that reminded Seth of the sky just before sunrise. Saw how Vince’s touch set Jimmy’s senses off like a trigger. Seth reckoned that Vince made everything all right, that in Vince’s arms Jimmy just let his past fade away like passing shadows.

Then, Seth also noticed that Vince had a smile that could outshine the noonday sun.

But Vince wasn’t there the night the Deputy Sheriff stuck his nose in Jimmy’s business and there was no beauty for Jimmy to take comfort in, no one to look at him, smile that smile that Seth liked to watch light up his face and no welcoming arms to make everything all right. 

Just the Deputy Sheriff and the bruises already forming on Jimmy’s wrists, blood already dry and crusted making his eyebrow look darker and Dave, whispering his secrets, sharing himself, opening himself to hands that were still stained with Jimmy’s blood.

Seth didn’t fool himself none, Dave couldn’t make Jimmy’s cheeks flush the way Vince could, nor could he chase all his demons away, or cause Jimmy’s body to relax, like when Vince held him close and Jimmy’s shoulders lost that stiffness. Seth reckoned, times like that, Jimmy’s scars didn’t look so bad but Seth knew it wasn’t the scars you could see that were hurting Jimmy now. 

And Seth reckoned that Dave just might have helped the Deputy Sheriff rub salt into already bleeding wounds.

Seth knew when Jimmy looked over at him and hid the hurt behind the cold smile he sent his way, Seth thought that if the Deputy Sheriff could see what he was seeing, if he could look into Jimmy’s face, just as he was, then he reckoned he’d be staring straight into the jaws of death.

Seth didn’t speak, didn’t move, he couldn’t recollect if he’d ever been close enough to reach out and touch one of them before and Seth liked to touch so he just stood still, dug his chipped nails into his palms, held his breath, and waited…

Jimmy nodded his head in Seth’s direction, shoved his hands deep into his pockets and stared fiercely into the distance and Seth wondered if maybe now was a good time to leave before he upped and died ‘cause he didn’t think he could hold his breath much longer.

_You don’t have stand there like a fucking rabbit caught in headlights kid, I ain’t gonna hurt you none._

Seth covered his mouth with his hand as his breath whooshed past his lips, fought the urge to cough as Jimmy nodded once more turned and walked away, long shadows and a weary stride signalling the end of the day.

Seth didn’t know much about what happened after that, ‘cause Dave didn’t come out to the lake much anymore and Seth didn’t like to venture into town much neither but every once in a while he’d see the Deputy Sheriff’s truck pull up somewhere quiet among the trees, followed by Dave’s Mustang. Seth knew the sound Dave’s car made; he’d wait for it sometimes while he listened to the soft drone of bees humming nearby and imagine it was a car engine in the distance but mostly, it was only bees.

He still saw Jimmy from time to time, saw the smile more often too but then Seth noticed that wherever Jimmy was Vince wasn’t far behind. Seth saw them out by the lake sometimes, their heads close together, noticed the way Jimmy seemed all gentle like when Vince was there, like the top dog in the pack looking out for the runt but Seth reckoned Jimmy didn’t see Vince that way. Top dogs always eat first, Seth knew that but he’d often seen Jimmy and Vince share their food, swim in the lake, let the sun dry their wet bodies as they sprawled naked on the grass, hands reaching for skin, mouths open and searching and once he even thought he heard Jimmy laugh but he couldn’t be sure. 

He was sure he’d seen him in the woods sometimes though, late at night, when Dave would pull up behind the Deputy Sheriff’s truck and the sounds they made weren’t nothing like the noise the bees made and the look on Jimmy’s face weren’t nothing like the way he looked at Vince. 

Seth reckoned that Dave was about to learn that the closer you get to something the less clearly you can see it. But Seth saw it, saw it in the look on Jimmy’s face, reckoned it reminded him of something he’d heard one Sunday when he’d snuck into town, knowing everyone was at church and wouldn’t notice him hanging around out back. 

_Wounds of a friend can be trusted…_

Or so the preacher had said, only Seth didn’t really understand what that meant until now on account that he ain’t never had any friends, being an outsider Seth always saw everything at arms length, saw things as they really were and didn’t rely on others opinions or interpretations to know what was going on. Seth may have been ignorant to the way things worked among their circle but he was under no illusion that Dave was just as much an outsider as he was, only Dave was too uninhibited by experience and familiarity too see it.

Seth reckoned by the look on Jimmy’s face that it was only a matter of time before the door of familiarity slammed shut right in Dave’s face. And that it didn’t matter how much the Deputy Sheriff scrubbed himself in the lake before pulling his pants back up, Seth reckoned there and then, he’d never be able to wash his hands clean of Jimmy’s blood.

Seth’s granddaddy once told him that owls were a symbol of doom, Seth never believed him though, not until that night by the lake.

He remembered the peppery mix of gray, black and cinnamon that decorated the bird’s wings as it took to flight between sparse branches that were beginning to breathe fresh leaves, watched it plummet downwards as it left a perch before levelling off, and swooping up to the next. Seth held his breath as it landed, moved up the tree to a higher perch and puffed up it’s feathers, spread its tail in an effort to make itself look larger, wondered if it sensed danger, watched its head turned towards the lake, its eyes closing to almost slits seconds before it took to flight.

The muffled sound of the air rushing over the surface of its wings broken only by the loud splash, Seth turned his head towards the noise, looked back once but the owl had gone.

Seth stared straight ahead, into the blackness, walked hesitantly towards the waterline, he knew the sound was too loud for any creature that frequented the lake at night, knew when he heard the quiet rumble of a car engine and felt the vibration beneath the ground as something heavy moved among the trees before fading quietly into the distance.

His eyes narrowed, noted the splashes and bulges in the water as the bass swam, panic-stricken between the reeds, the change in the current bringing an eel to the surface. Seth watched as it twisted and curled up on itself, as it slithered across the outstretched hand that looked like it was making one final attempt to reach dry land.

Seth swallowed and stepped closer, the mud felt cold between his toes, thick and clogging and made his footsteps seem heavier somehow, but at least it was only his feet and not his face, not like the body in the lake, blanketed by the rough caress of wind and water. Seth recognised the uniform, new it was the Deputy Sheriff’s, he could tell by the hand that reached out towards him, the same hand that had tightened the handcuffs on Jimmy’s wrist, cocked back the trigger on the gun that had been aimed at his head.

Only now, there was no blood coating its lifeless fingers, just cold, wet clumps of earth.

Seth missed the company of the owl when he stepped back beneath the trees and watched Dave wade into the water, figured he could have used some company tonight, he wondered if the Deputy Sheriff had too and that’s why he was out here alone, in the dark. Only someone had reached the Deputy Sheriff before Dave that night, leaving him with only the sharp edges of thistle and reeds for company, that and the rain. Seth figured maybe the night sky had seen Dave’s grief and began to empty out its tears but then he remembered what his Daddy had said about being fanciful and Seth knew there weren’t nothing fanciful about death. 

Seth reckoned death was part of life, no one escapes its clutches, not his momma, not his granddaddy and not the Deputy Sheriff, tonight death had the final word and the lake, his lake now forever scarred by its history.

Seth kept close to the shack after that night, watching his daddy haggle over the price of moonshine with those brave or desperate enough to make the trek through the warps and tangles of rock and thistle. Listened to the thud of each empty bottle hit the floor and wondered how many it would take before he heard the sound of his daddy’s snores once more. He occasionally saw the owl, watched it swoop down onto its prey as it scurried on the ground, drive long talons into its throat, sometimes attacking smaller birds among the shrubs, crashing into the hapless victims and carrying them off in its claws. And sometimes, he thought he heard his granddaddy whispering, _survival of the fittest_ , but Seth knew it was only the breeze whispering through the trees.

Seth saw the owl when he returned to the lake too, perched in the same tree, watching but not making a sound as Seth approached the water and noted its gentle rhythm returned once more, Seth reckoned maybe the owl was smart to stay quiet. Sometimes things are best left to the past, like his granddaddy said, _take only memories and leave only footprints_ , and Seth knew it was best to keep a secret.

Seth shrugged off his shirt and pants, dipped his toes into the shallows, closed his eyes, took another step, sighed at the cool feel of the water lapping around his ankles, a few steps further and he leaned back, his arms raised outwards at his sides as he let himself fall backwards. He held his breath as the water covered his mouth and nose, his hair lifted by the current floated around his face, covering his eyes, Seth held on to his breath until small air bubbles escaped his lips and his lungs began to burn. He pushed against the sand and silt beneath his feet and surfaced, letting the cold water of the lake run down his body in rivulets, washing away all memory of the bad stuff as the indigo hues of evening deepened and the new moon laid a gentle hand across the lake.

There was slightly more warmth in the breeze that brushed against Seth’s naked skin as he reached for his torn pants and shrugged them over wet hips, he looked down at the grass beneath his feet, felt its thickness, the leaves beginning to bud, flowers bloom. Seth imagined the mayflies that would soon emerge from the earth as life began again, as it shifted like the seasons pass, Seth knew that seasons change without fail, whether we are ready or not and life ebbs and flows in an endless cadence of birth and death. 

Seth thought of wading back into the lake and taking refuge in its depth when the tall figure stepped out from behind his favourite Cypress tree, chided himself for not paying attention but the look on Dave’s face was anything but threatening. Seth sensed his loneliness, his grief; for once Dave held nothing back, his face an open book and Seth ached to take a walk through its pages, to reach out and touch.

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” 

Dave stepped away from the tree, moved closer, Seth looked at the Cypress tree, at the shadows beneath its leaves and he longed for their protection. Watching them, seeing them shed their clothes as easy as their secrets hadn’t prepared him for this, not so soon, not so close…

“You can talk right?” 

Seth saw Dave’s lips move but the words where drowned out by the blood rushing through his veins, chasing his heartbeat and echoing in his ears, nagging at him to run, he hadn’t expected Dave to be so tall, from a distance Seth thought he looked smaller somehow but up close…

“Hey kid, you can talk right?”

Seth nodded and sidestepped the tall figure as he drew near enough to touch, near enough for Seth to smell the faint smell of leather coming off his jacket, the alcohol on his breath. He sought the shelter of the tree Dave had moments ago vacated and felt some sense of control return.

“I can talk just fine.” Seth watched Dave watch him and leaned back against the trees trunk, ran his hand along the bark, raised his chin and looked straight into Dave’s face.

“Good, because I’ve had enough experience of talking to myself these past few days, enough to know it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” Dave sighed and ran long fingers through his hair.

“You’re gonna leave, ain’t ya?” Seth asked and wondered why the words left a bad taste in his mouth.

Dave nodded, wedged his hands deep into his jeans pockets and shrugged. “I just wanted to say thanks, you know…”

Seth frowned and wished his pants had pockets too ‘cause right now his hands where itching for contact, itching to touch, to run his fingers through Dave’s hair, smooth out the strands that Dave’s fingers had seconds ago mussed, he dug his nails into the tree bark and shook his head at Dave instead.

Dave stepped closer, careful to keep his hands in his pockets, his movements slow. “Yeah, for keeping me company all the nights I sat out by the lake, for watching over me, keeping my secrets, keeping everyone’s secrets.”

Seth wasn’t sure thanks was the right word, wasn’t aware Dave knew he was there half the time, sure he must have known once or twice but now Seth wondered just how often Dave watched for him, wondered if he knew just how much Seth had seen.

“You must have seen pretty much everything that went on out there.” Dave cocked his head in the direction of the lake and stepped even closer.

“I ain’t gonna tell, got no one to tell.” Seth mumbled.

“I wasn’t …” Dave sighed, lifted his hands from his pockets and let them drop by his sides.

Seth saw Dave’s shoulders stoop, saw the sorrow that lined his face, almost reached out in a moment of trust and tenderness, hesitated when he realised just who he was reaching out for and held back.

“Don’t you ever get tired of just watching? Do you ever wonder sometimes what it feels like to hold another person close, have them hold you? To feel their breath against your skin, their warmth, their need match yours, to just get lost for a while in the embrace of another...”

Seth felt Dave run a finger along his bare arm, lost sight of the lake as Dave stepped closer, blocking Seth’s vision with his taller frame. Seth swallowed past the dryness in his throat, tried to ignore the panic and feeling of being lost, leaned back against the tall tree, Dave stood right in front of him and Seth found he had nothing to look at but his broad chest, strong arms and if he looked up, into those eyes…

Seth had never seen the colour of Dave’s eyes, he reckoned they were brown ‘cause of his hair and such, he’d imagined they’d be a mid brown not too dark, light enough to still see his pupil dilate, like now…

“What ya doing?” Seth croaked as Dave bent his head, rubbed his cheek against Seth’s head and breathed, 

“Saying thanks…”

Seth felt the words breathed into his hair, his shoulders pressed hard against the tree bark, his legs almost buckling as Dave tightened his grip on his much smaller frame and Dave’s lips crashed down on his. Seth saw understanding in his eyes moments before his eyelids flickered shut, tasted the anguish on his lips and saying nothing he took everything Dave gave, his body offering comfort as he yielded, returned the kiss. His mouth moving clumsily across Dave’s, saying everything Seth couldn’t, everything Seth wanted but didn’t know how, he raised up on his toe’s wound his arms around Dave’s shoulders, pressed into him, yielded like crumbling pages of inadequate words.

The softest whisper cascaded from Dave’s lips and Seth breathed it in, tasted Dave’s need like the sweet nectar of ripened fruit, not to pick or nibble at but to gorge on, savour fully as it lingered on lips, burst across taste buds. The heat from Dave’s body enveloping him as the last of Dave’s secrets, opened for Seth to discover, his knees finally giving way, the rough tree back scratching along his bare back as Dave followed him down on to the grass and covered Seth’s body with his own.

Dave’s mouth was moist and hot as it covered his and Seth fought the panic that suddenly swelled in his stomach; he tried to find the lake in his line of vision, a tree anything but the solid weight crushing him into the ground. 

Seth was used to miles and miles of area to remain free, the trees, the lake, the open spaces, now suddenly his whole world was reduced to just one small space, surround by solid mass, strong arms and powerful thighs that kept him caged.

Seth felt the weight ease slightly as Dave lifted his head, straightened his shoulders as he lifted his body, his hand cupped Seth’s jaw in the lightest of caresses as Dave forced his chin up to meet his gaze and Seth tried to hide the fear in his eyes. 

“Do you want me to stop?” 

Seth dug his heels in to the grass and scuttled backwards, putting some space between himself and the feelings Dave was creating, he swallowed, gritted his teeth as he shifted and felt a bolt of heat rush through him and settle in his groin. 

“Men die here, long before they realise it’s happened. Time and nothing but can destroy a person as surely as a bullet in the head, days merge and become an endless stream of days, and they’re all the same. Words become nothing but endless phrases, platitudes with no meaning, desire turns cold and love becomes hate. Is that what you want…?” Dave asked.

Seth sat motionless for a second, stared back at Dave, he shifted his gaze to the lake, wet his lips with his tongue and looked back at Dave, confused, what did he know of love and hate, he didn’t even know what a platitude was. Seth shifted closer, opened his mouth to ask but Dave cut him off…

“Fuck, what’s you name anyway, kid?”

Seth hesitated at the slight edge to Dave’s voice, watched him run his hand through his hair in frustration and looked back at the lake and trees as he spoke. “Seth … its Seth…”

“Yeah, well Seth, you think that lake is gonna sustain you forever? Dave asked, not waiting for an answer.

“That lake was here long before you or me and it will be here long after we’re both gone, while the cool water and blossoming trees that stifled all your loneliness and carried the tears will hardly know the difference.”

Seth didn’t really hear what Dave was saying, didn’t really hear anything but the part about him being gone, which would be soon, all Seth heard was that Dave was leaving.

“People need people Seth, even you, it’s a basic human need, as essential as food, so all you gotta ask yourself is … are you hungry?”

Seth watched Dave reach out his hand, almost in slow motion, held himself perfectly still as he rubbed his knuckles along Seth’s cheek, his thumb across his bottom lip, leaned in, lowered his head and brushed his lips lightly across Seth’s for the briefest moment…

“Well … are you?” Dave whispered.

Seth straightened his shoulders, stared straight back at Dave, ignored the tremble in his legs, he rose up on his knees, reached out, run his fingers down the thin cotton of Dave’s shirt and felt the muscle beneath, spread his hand over his chest and felt the steady thump of his heartbeat. Forcing his chin up he stared in to Dave’s eyes and reckoned he was right all along about the colour, mid brown that seemed to be darkening beneath his scrutiny. 

Seth splayed his fingers, watched his own hand slide up past Dave’s shoulder, felt the tremor pass through Dave’s skin and smiled, knew now what something felt like beneath his light caress, knew it really did tingle with the same heat that made his fingers twitch and his palms sweaty. He shuffled closer, or was it Dave, Seth wasn’t sure nor did he care, he curled his hand up to cup the back of Dave’s head, run his fingers through soft strands of hair, hair that felt as soft as sun warmed grass, smelled as sweet as clover, he moistened his lips and hesitated once as Dave followed the movement. 

Seth felt Dave tangle his hand in his hair preventing him from turning his face away, so close his breath tickled against his cheek, gripping his head tighter he pulled Dave closer and felt the brush of warm lips against his own. Seth didn’t even realise until Dave groaned that his small hands were massaging Dave’s shoulders, pressing hard in to muscle as his hips ground against the body that he hadn’t even realised was flush against his.

Seth felt strong arms circle his back, lift him slightly as Dave pulled him forward, hard against his chest and held him there, rocked their bodies together, just briefly and Seth groaned as Dave sprawled backwards on the grass and pulled Seth down on top of him. Dave slid his hands down to cup Seth’s ass, lifted his hips, pressed them hard against his own, Seth groaned against Dave’s mouth, the overwhelming need to have Dave hold him, to feel his body against his own, all muscular strength and heat wrapped tight around him, skin like warm steel, his maleness, his scent made Seth’s had spin.

Seth forced his body to relax, as Dave lifted his head and caught Seth’s lip between his teeth, sucked gently, taking it into the warmth of his own, covered Seth’s mouth in a deep draining kiss that played havoc with Seth’s ability to relax. Still, Dave didn’t seem to mind too much when Seth shifted closer, pushed his hips against Dave’s, in fact Seth reckoned he kinda liked it so he did it again.

Seth’s mouth opened under Dave’s, willingly inviting the tongue that invaded his with a groan, Seth pulled him closer, bunched his small fist into Dave’s hair and tried to hold him there. Even when Dave pulled his mouth free to move to Seth’s throat, Seth tried to pull him back not wanting to lose the warmth, the feel of Dave’s mouth against his own. Until Dave’s knee nudged his legs apart and Seth forgot all about thinking of what he wanted and gave in to how it felt.

Dave lifted Seth as he shifted, turned them over and came down on top of his smaller frame once more but Seth didn’t panic, he lifted in to Dave, clung to him, kissing his neck, his shoulder, sliding his tongue against hot skin, tasting the salty film, and inhaling Dave’s musky scent, groaning when Dave stilled his hips with strong hands. 

Dave lowered his head, grazed his teeth along Seth’s collarbone and Seth moaned, hardly recognised his own voice, or Dave’s as he murmured something inarticulate against his belly and circled his navel with his warm, wet tongue before moving his mouth lower. Seth bit back the protest as Dave lifted his hips with one hand and tugged roughly at Seth’s threadbare pants, buried his face in soft curls and all thought of protest parted with his trembling thighs. Seth groaned at the rough caress of Dave’s unshaven jaw as it brushed against the soft sensitive skin of his inner thigh, the intimate sparring of his tongue against the parts he usually kept hidden unless he was bathing in the lake. Seth arched his hips upwards, matching the rhythm of Dave’s mouth as he took Seth in to its warmth, circled him with his tongue…

“Please…” Seth moaned, not knowing what it was he wanted, just knowing he never wanted it to stop but needing the intense ache that was spiralling out of control to end. Seth grabbed a fistful of Dave’s hair in his small hands and pulled him up to his lips, tasted himself as Dave covered his mouth with his own, forced his tongue between his teeth, rocked his hips against Seth’s and groaned.

Seth, matched him kiss for kiss, becoming the aggressor, holding Dave’s head still while he tasted every inch of his mouth, plunged his tongue in between teeth, swept it across the roof of Dave’s mouth, only to retreat and repeat the whole thing all over again. Dave shuddered pulled himself free, tugged roughly at the waistband of his jeans, and knelt between Seth’s parted thighs, his hands holding Seth’s hips. Seth reached up, clasped his hands tightly around Dave’s neck, desperate to bring him back and instinctively arched at the same instant Dave plunged.

Seth tried to pull away but Dave held tight to him, his breath ragged against Seth’s cheek and Seth thought he sounded like he had just run twice around the lake and wished he’d let him ‘cause right now he was wondering why the hell they did this to each other if it felt this bad. Dave lifted his head, kissed Seth, hard on the mouth, cupped his cheek with one hand and began to move slowly. Seth wrapped his arms around Dave’s back, his fingers edging under his shirt and sliding against damp skin, his tongue circled and entwined with Dave’s, stroked along the soft outline of his mouth, his hands slips downwards to knead Dave’s buttocks.

Seth clutched at Dave’s hips, heard his ragged breathing, realised it matched his own, he strained against Dave as he fought the tension that was building and wrapped one leg around Dave’s powerful thigh. Dave captured his moans and surged forward, repeatedly as Seth buried his head, his throaty cries muffled against Dave’s chest when Dave collapsed against him.

Seth rested his forehead against Dave’s shoulder, traced a circle with the tip of his tongue, tasted salt, Dave was holding him so tightly that Seth had trouble catching his breath but he didn’t mind so much, he just closed his eyes and held him just as tightly, just this once, before he was gone.

Dave’s breathing slowed, he eased himself off and away from Seth, dragged himself across to the tree and propped his back against it, Seth shivered as the cool breeze licked against his damp skin. He eased his pants up over his aching legs and moved slowly to sit alongside Dave, resting his head against the rough bark, neither spoke for long moments both lost in there own thoughts.

“You’re still gonna leave, ain’t ya?” Seth looked in to Dave’s eyes as if searching for something, his lips were swollen, his hair dishevelled and Seth though he looked sad, despite the smile when he rubbed the side of Seth’s cheek with his thumb before leaning down and kissing him gently.

“Yeah, I’m still gonna leave.” Dave sighed.

“Then, why…” Seth looked down, traced an upturned tree root with his finger and wished he could take back the words.

“Because, sooner or later, we all leave, one way or another, even those you like to watch by the lake. There’ll be a day they don’t come out here anymore, then what’re gonna do, huh?” 

Seth frowned, in all honesty he never really thought about the future, never considered passed today, he just watched and waited to see what the lake brought him each day, wondered what he would see, learn and wondered what it felt like to do the things they did.

“And now you know.” Dave said, as if reading his mind.

Seth looked across at the lake, its stillness, listened to the quiet, wondered for the first time what tomorrow would feel like knowing Dave wouldn’t be there, wouldn’t be coming out to the lake, to swim, laugh, cry, do all the things he did with the others when they thought no one watched.

“They’re not animals in a zoo, Seth, not something to look at and study while you remain safe and secure on the other side of the bars where they can’t reach you.” 

“What do you care about them, they don’t want you anymore than they want me, you’re just as much an outsider as I am.” Seth wondered why his chest hurt, why he suddenly found it hard to swallow.

“Not anymore, I’m not. I’m leaving remember? You won’t have my company on a night, and pretty soon you won’t have theirs during the day either and I don’t want you to be lonely. Now it’s not gonna be so easy, staying safely on the outside looking in, now you’re gonna have step over the damn barriers you put around yourself and them a chance. Give yourself a chance Seth.”

Seth let his gaze roam along the bank of the lake and beyond into the distance, until the lake curved and deepened, the spot that required ducking under thick thorny branches to reach, his spot. The giant trees that stood like sentries, their branches stretching out over the lake, offering shade, seclusion, the thick foliage that allowed the sun to stream through casting a myriad of different patterns on the ground, the red and gold tones of the plants…

“It’s not magical Seth, only private.” Dave whispered, shook his head and thick black hair fell his against his forehead.

“When are you leaving?” Seth’s voice sounded alien to his own ears, different somehow, like the pain in his chest he’d never felt before and wondered if this was the price you paid for getting too close to them, for letting them inside.

“Tomorrow, probably, there’s someone … something I need to do first.” Dave stood, buckled his pants, tucked his shirt into his waistband and stooped to pick up his jacket from the grass. When he stood upright again, Seth had gone.

Seth stood just off the road on the outskirts of town, comfortable with his aloneness, under no illusions; Seth knew there was never any guarantee against loneliness, relationships, friendships, even family, they were all temporary illusions that we are not alone. Seth shielded his eyes from the sun, watched the trail of dust Dave’s Mustang made as it sped off, Dave behind the wheel, hoping to weave a future from a tangled past as he put the town and its inhabitants in his rear view mirror.


End file.
